I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
