Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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