This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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