hotel room ftw
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
