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My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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