I met the friendliest cop last night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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