he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
