she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
