you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
