Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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