Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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