Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
