that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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