So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
