I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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