u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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