Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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