I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
