when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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