"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
