Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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