She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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