he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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