I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
