Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up

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(415): View more from California

I'll probably hate you when I'm sober

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

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(631): View more from New York

The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago

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(908): View more from New Jersey

She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird

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(847): View more from Illinois

How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?

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(453): View more from

You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”

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