Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
