So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
