I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize