Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
