Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
