I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
