omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
