I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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