so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
