This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im about as happy as oj after his trial
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
