Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
