You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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