So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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