frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
