I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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