I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
