My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
