Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
