His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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