When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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