Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His hands were made for my vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
