She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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