Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
