I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The Olympian is in my bed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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