Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
