Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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