Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
