Apparently you make a good broom.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
