i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
