Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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