I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Still dying that you shit outside
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
