I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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