So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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