Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
