At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is Oprah even human
You are a genius and a whore.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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