I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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