You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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