Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
