When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone came in the potted fern
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
