She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
