and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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