So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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