i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
